What kind of material makes the best vibrator? Silicone? Jelly? What?

I'm glad you asked, imaginary questioner!

Throw away your jelly vibrator and spring for one made out of silicone. The cute little pixie at your local sex toy store was telling you the truth - silicone really is a better material for sex toys. Jellies, while very soft and flexible, are also very porous. Very, very porous. The pores in the material easily trap bacteria that can be difficult to remove. Don’t you ever, ever share a jelly vibrator, and if you’re doing it now, please stop. Or at the very least, put a condom on it. Silicone is virtually pore-free, making it very easy to sanitize. And dildos made from 100% silicone can be put in the top rack of your dishwasher, assuming you live in the kind of household where you won’t have any ’splaining to do. You can also sterilize silicone toys. Toys don’t have to be sterilized prior to insertion into the Magic Kingdom, your underpants aren’t sterile, after all, and they’re pressed up against your dainty bits all day. (tampons aren’t sterile either. I know. It’s true, though.) But if you’re polyamorous or just like to be on the safe side, silicone rules. Best, many silicone toys are made in the U.S.A., and you can buy comfortably knowing the products are made with non-exploitative labor. And silicone doesn’t have phthalates, the plastic that makes jellies, and shower curtains, and lots of stuff you haven’t thought about but evidently it’s so ubiquitous we’re peeing out phthalates because we’ve been breathing the shit in. Enjoy that new car smell, kids!

We don’t know what longterm damage phthalates do, if any, and we’ll never see a law passed regulating the kinds of materials sex toys can be made of - hell, you can make a dildo out of Froot Loops and batshit, and the government won’t care. Why? Because sex toys aren’t supposed to be used as sex toys, just like condoms aren’t supposed to be used as condoms, because sex toys are “novelties” only. Just for a tee-hee at Spencer’s Gifts, is all. If you have the inclination and the social consciousness and the curiosity, the information is out there. But for the overwhelming majority, they won’t even bother to investigate, because there’s no political future in encouraging sexual awareness and education, so the information has no consistent advocate. Therefore, most people just don’t think it’s important.

Anal Sex Hygiene.

I'm interested in trying anal sex. What is a good to clean the rectum to prepare myself for it? I tried suppositories, but I don't think they work. Please help!

I know there are spermicide suppositories and lubricant suppositories, but believe it or not, I can't think of any legitimate Poo-B-Gone suppositories. I consulted Dr. Jack Morin's book, Anal Pleasure & Health, which is the buttsex bible, and he never once mentions suppositories, so I'd leave them alone.

Speaking of the buttsex bible, here's what Morin has to say:

"The consistency of your stools determines, to a large extent, how much is left behind after a bowel movement. Soft stools leave more traces whereas better-formed ones exit more cleanly. The well-formed feces that result from a healthy diet rich in fiber are almost universally reported to be less messy and repugnant - even less smelly. On days when your stools are especially soft, you may prefer not to insert anything into the rectum or make a point of douching (me, here: not to be confused with vaginal douching, which can destroy the healthy ecosystem you've got going on in there and doesn't prevent pregnancy and don't listen to anybody who tells you it's necessary feminine hygiene, anal douching is another word for "enema.") or washing inside with your finger. For many people,cleaning out the rectum with warm water is the simplest way to avoid an unwanted rendezvous with poop."

About anal douching, Morin advises, and I agree, to stay away from chemical douches, because the chemicals are often harsh and be an irritant, which can lead to raw areas and bleeding, which as we know when you've moved into that territory, STDs often follow. To clean this area, buy an old-fashioned Fleet enema from the drugstore, empty out the chemical solution that's in the plastic container, and fill it with warm water. Hold in the water for a few minutes, then release it. Be careful the water isn't too hot, because, ouch.

Finally, it should be said that into everyone's anal sexlife, a little poo must fall. That's just the way it is. In pornoland, where everybody's buttholes are waxed and bleached, everything shown seems to be squeaky clean. Porn is fake. The actual making of porn is neither hot nor spontaneous. Porn stars report that before they do an anal sex scene, they give themselves two enemas, and don't eat for 12 hours prior to shooting. You kind of want your actual sex life to be better than that, and to that end, there has to be a certain acceptance of santorum.

I've Tagged You for a Meme! Will You Participate?

No.

Woman-friendly Porn.

*I'd like to get a movie for my husband and me, but I'd like to
get one that would be fun for me to watch, too- one that isn't
misogynist and all that. You probably already answered it in your blog,
and I tried to go back through your archives, but I couldn't find your
recommendations.

I'm sure I've answered this question before, too, but I couldn't find it, either. At least, not right away. But this question, and the question above it, finally motivated me to get off my butt and create an FAQ page. The thought of hunting down all my frequently asked questions and compiling them all at once was too overwhelming for me, so I'm just starting with the two above. The next time somebody asks for an anal sex tutorial, or a good lesbian title, or how I can live with myself, I'll add them to the new blog. Soon I'll just be able to point and link, and the e-mailbag will disappear. Until then:

I try to carry only DVDs that appeal to women. To the best of my knowledge, none of the DVDs are blatantly woman-hating, if you are in the camp that believes it's possible to have non-woman-hating porn. (On a personal level, although I sell it, I believe the non-porn camp has a valid point that should be listened to). Some of the videos I enjoy the most come from Digital Playground. We all by now know that I love Loaded,
where Jesse Jane plays a woman investigating the murder of her boyfriend and there's a disproportionate number of sex scenes where women are wearing nothing but sneakers, which I think is sort of odd. Why not bare feet? Why sneakers? But still, I love it, and Jesse Jane is one of the less wooden, more talented performers out there, and some of the laughs are intentional, and the music isn't totally awful.

If you want straight porn that makes an effort to be feminist (as opposed to Digital Playground's "woman-friendly" philosophy), with no implants, no starving women, more body acceptance, and female leads controlling the action, then yes, I'm going to recommend Urban Friction again, starring a real life girlfriend/boyfriend and shot right here in Chicago. (The feedback I've been receiving is that most straight men prefer the Digital Playground stuff to Urban Friction, so keep that in mind if you're specifically getting it to watch with your husband/boyfriend.)

Which lube is the lube for me?

*What kind(s) of lube would you
recommend for, say, a gay 20-something guy who, along with his
boyfriend, has been sorely disappointed with the performance of
Astroglide?

I myself love Astroglide. The World's Greatest Gynecologist, Dr. Pamela Goodwin, recommends Astroglide, as do many ob/gynies as having a makeup very similar to a woman's natural lubrication, although it is admittedly a bit stickier.

But what does this have to do with a gay 20-something guy and his boyfriend? Not a damned thing. I just felt like sticking up for the poor, slighted Astroglide. But now that I've gotten that out of the way, may I recommend Liquid Silk?


It feels more like lotion than lube, but not as greasy, and it doesn't dry sticky or tacky at all. I do not find it to be all that delicious, however. In fact, the best I could say in that regard is that if you ingest it, you probably won't die or swell up or break out in hives or anything. If you're looking for a lube for handjobs or anal that isn't sticky, give the Liquid Silk a try. However, if it's blowjobs you want, and of course you do, try the
Sensua Organics Aloe-based lubes (I'm partial to the Peach flavor) or stick with the Wet. The Sensua line does not stay slippery as long as the glycerin lubes do, but the good news for blowjob givers (and receivers, yes, because getting oral is almost always a plus regardless of the lube) is that the slippery is reactivated with a little bit of water or saliva. In fact, the makers of the Sensua line once sent me this cute little spray bottle that you can fill with water for re-activating the Sensua lube on your dainty bits if it dries up. This seems to be a bit too fussy for me. Who would keep this by their beds? It brings up disturbing imagery involving Felix Unger. I ended up using the bottle to keep the kittens off the counter.